Brightwood Lights

We are in the phase of life during which many of our peers are starting their own families.  In the past twelve months, all three of my closest friends in DC, several other long-distance friends, and I myself have had babies.  Needless to say, I have devoted much time and energy to thinking about babies and childbirth.

Between S & A’s childbirths, I read and researched the topic extensively out of a mixture of curiosity and self interest.  Some of what I read included the books Pushed, by Jennifer Block; Birth: The Surprising History of How We Are Born, by Tina Cassidy; and Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin.  I also watched The Business of Being Born, visited a few websites discussing and debating childbirth and maternal medical care, and even researched some public health statistics on childbirth.

My research and personal experiences have lead me to two conclusions.  First, I believe that the process of childbirth matters.  The techniques and procedures used by medical professionals who attend deliveries are of life-and-death consequence for mother and child.  And statistics bear out the fact that, though childbirth in the United States is much safer than in countries without advanced medical technology, it is not nearly as safe as it could or should be.  Better birth matters because those statistics are not just numbers.  They are actual lives of actual mothers and babies who matter and who deserve the best possible chance at health and life.

My second conclusion is that the discourse surrounding childbirth rapidly deteriorates into a pointless debate between the “natural birth” and “medical intervention” camps, to the detriment of women and babies’ health.  In the fight for access to improved health care, women seem to have lost the forest for the trees.  The insistence on a certain “birth experience” for the sake of ensuring the safest, least painful outcome for mother and baby is worthwhile.  The quest to make childbirth a homey, comfortable experience, though, is not only futile but can also be extremely risky.

I would argue that improved maternal/fetal care is not only desirable but also attainable.  Both the “interventionists” and the “naturalists” are doing what they believe is optimal and that both desire the best possible outcome for mother and baby.  I acknowledge that other factors can cloud medical professionals’ judgements: profit, convenience, fear of lawsuits, etc.  But I seriously doubt that any person who works in labor and delivery does not care when a mother or child dies or is seriously injured.  Both “camps” can learn from one another.  This requires humility on both sides, along with an acknowledgement that childbirth is and likely always will remain a dangerous prospect.

Finally, I would urge a healthy dose of perspective.  One of the dear friends mentioned above did not have the happy, healthy outcome we all desperately desire.  Though her loss was not caused by her daughter’s birth experience, it did offer the poignant reminder that anyone whose pregnancy outcome is a heatlhy mother and child have first and foremost an obligation to be grateful and secondmost a reason to do all possible to ensure that other mothers have access to that same outcome.

How can I adequately live up to the coolness of having 09/09/09 as a birthday?!  I have already openly admitted that I am a nerd, so now I must confess that I’m probably not cool enough to do something really unique and clever on my “special” birthday.  Instead, it will be a day spent mostly observing my usual routine, except that we get a date night out, courtesy of baby sitter Tante Linda.

The real excitement begins on 09/11/09, when we fly to Germany for a two week visit.  Andreas will work his hardest to destroy every knick-knack placed lower than about 36 inches off the ground at Uromi’s house but will not be successful.  (That project would take even him- a most determined crawler / investigator / destructor- much, much longer than two weeks.)  Simona will likely sample every unhealthy cuisine found in Deutschland, including plenty of Kinderschokolade, Eis, and probably several of the unfortunately named chocolate-covered marshmellow treats known as “Mini Dickmanns.”  Caleb and I will spend our time supervising the above-mentioned troublemakers while trying to visit with friends & family and take in the sites of Dresden, Leipzig, and Berlin.

Should be a fun trip.  We’ll let you know how it goes– wish us a good time!

Simona, like all three year olds, is quite imaginative these days. She makes up stories, songs, and all sorts of fake friends, words, games, etc.  It’s usually pretty funny, and overall, I enjoy listening to whatever might come out of her mouth next.

About two months ago or so, Simona started stopping to pet her “monkeys” that live in the trees between our house and the playground.  She always invites me to pet “Bilowa” or “Minkowna” or whatever name she makes up on the spot, and if I don’t pet the precise leaf she indicates, she’ll correct me and show me exactly where “Bilowa” is.

Cute, until you realize that there are about 30 trees between our house and the playground.  And that by the time we are on the way home, we are all hot, fussy, tired, hungry, and ready for lunch & naps.  Stopping to pet monkeys gets quite tedious, so I’ve had to limit the number of monkeys we can pet on the way home.  Recently, a fellow mom walked home with us for lunch.  Along the way, she and her daughter got to help pet monkeys, so eventually I told Simona that we would only be stopping for one more monkey.  Since I told Simona that in German, I translated it into English for my friend’s benefit, so she’d know she wouldn’t have many more to pet.

She just laughed and said (in her wonderful British accent), “Brilliant, isn’t it?  Did you ever envision being a mum would involve implementing the ‘One Monkey Rule’?”

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Update:  Some June pictures are up.  Pictures from Simona’s birthday & our trip to Iowa will be up soon, and July pictures will follow hopefully soon thereafter.

I haven’t updated the photos in a while, so here’s a quick written preview of what will be coming your way, hopefully soon.

We have been quite “local” this summer, with only two long-weekend trips so far.  (We’re planning our “big” vacation for September, when we’ll be going to Germany again.)
Our June travel adventure was to Iowa, where we spent a whirlwind weekend visiting family.  It had been almost a year since we had been back in the Hawkeye State, so there was plenty of catching up to do.  In addition to visiting with aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents, we also celebrated Simona’s third birthday in Iowa!  She was VERY excited to turn three at Grandma & Grandpa’s, and Grandma even made her a special “orange and white and pink” birthday cake.  (Those are Simona’s favorite colors– especially orange and white.)  Though I’m sure you can purchase an orange and white and pink cake somewhere,  I’m also pretty sure that it would be a rather disgusting dessert for anyone over the age of 6. However, Grandma outdid herself, and the cake was attractive and delicious.

And, as I’m in the habit of making the travel portion of my trip just as exciting as the destination itself, I decided that simply flying as a family from Iowa to Baltimore via Chicago would be downright boring.  So, in Chicago, I opted to “volunteer” Simona’s and my seats in exchange for two free roundtrip tickets on a future flight.  (Caleb had to get back to DC for work on Monday morning, so he traveled home as scheduled.)  Simona, Andreas, and I also got a free night in a hotel and two free meal vouchers. . . plus an upgrade to first class for the flight home!  The fellow passengers in first class were gracious, despite Andreas’s crying from being tired and Simona’s removing her shirt mid-flight because she spilled water on it.

The local excitement for June included Andreas learning to sit up, Simona’s joint birthday party with a friend from her playschool, and my sister Linda’s move to Maryland (with her horse Nate and dog Bo) to live near her fiance just outside of Baltimore.  The DC Metro crash that you may have heard about also happened outside of our stop, which was jolting.  Our hearts go out to those who lost loved ones, as we were filled with the sense that it easily could have been one of us on that train.  Caleb’s commute has been affected, but regular, complete red line service resumed as of today.
Other than the trip to Maine, we have kept a low profile this month.  Andreas cut his first two teeth while we were in Maine, and he is getting closer and closer to crawling.  He also can pull himself up from a sitting to standing position.  Simona is growing into such a little girl, complete with an occasional burst of attitude worthy of a teenage girl.  She is starting to recognize letters, and she loves asking us to spell everything she sees.  She also adores hearing stories and is constantly asking us to tell her about when we were little.
July has been mercifully mild this year, with very little of the steamy, humid weather that typifies DC summers.  The clear, crystal blue skies and temperatures between 65-85 degrees have been perfect for spending hours at the playground.  We’re sure our luck won’t last, though, and wonder whether we’ll be “paying for” this with an unbearably hot, sticky August.  Until then, though, we’ll be here enjoying the summer.  Stop by if you’re passing through the District anytime soon!

One year ago today, Caleb, Simona and I were landing at Dulles Airport after 2.5 weeks of visiting family in Germany and traveling a bit in Sweden.  I’m reminded of this because of where we’ve been- and, actually, where we’re (not) going.  It’s a bit of a long story, but one I want to share.

In the fall of 2007, a good friend of mine was feeling drained by life in DC.  She was tired from the busy pace of life, the distance from family, and the frenetic chase after worldly success that dominates this city.  She had been praying for relief, unsure of how that would look.  Some changes (moving from a 1BR to a 2BR apartment with her husband and daughter, primarily), helped her in her outlook, and her attitude towards living here was starting to look up.  She felt some renewed energy and enthusiasm when- COMPLETELY out of the blue- her husband was offered the perfect job in the perfect location for their family.  They moved, and to this day, she couldn’t be happier.  She thought her prayers had been answered with the apartment change, but she had no idea that God had something much bigger and better in store for her shortly thereafter.  I was thrilled for her but was sad to see her move (and still miss her!!).

As we entered 2008, I began to realize that I was in a place similar to where my friend had been the previous fall.  I was unhappy in DC and wanted to move anywhere else, really.  The thought of sweating out another hot, humid DC summer; sitting in urban traffic & fighting for parking spots; dealing with slow, inefficient District government bureaucracy; watching more friends move away from this transient city; and attending a church that was without a pastor and was bleeding members left me drained- emotionally, mentally, and even physically. As I talked to my friend who had moved, she told me (only half jokingly), “Well, start praying now.  It takes about a year.”

In my head, I had “the solution” figured out.   Caleb and I had been discussing his applying to graduate school for the fall of 2009.  He had long debated the pros and cons of attending and felt like it might be a good time in his career to go back to school.  Since we had never thought we’d end up permanent residents of the District, and since we had already lived here for 5 years by 2008, we thought the timing was right.  Because I was so unhappy, I encouraged him to apply “anywhere but in DC,” and figured this was God’s provision for us.  This would be my ticket out of the District and out of my misery.  I had seen God provide the perfect situation for this friend- and for several others who had moved away from this city- so I figured I’d trust him to provide.

Despite “knowing” that we only had about a year left in DC, I felt like I couldn’t stand one more minute here.  The trip to Germany had been a welcome relief from the “grind” of daily life, but I didn’t want it to end.  As we sat in the airport in Hamburg awaiting our return flight, I started crying and said I didn’t want to get on the plane.  (I nearly cried again when we landed at Dulles and the captain announced the local time and temperature as still being in the upper 80s . . . at 8:00 PM.)  I was miserable, and, unfortunately, I made those around me (read: Caleb) miserable through my whining, complaining, and bad attitude throughout much of the summer.

So, it’s been a year.  Which means it’s time for the “perfect” move to the perfect location for our family.  Except that God didn’t answer my prayers like I had hoped or expected.  A variety of circumstances- ranging from Andreas’s surgery to Caleb’s admissions and financial aid decisions to opportunities here- have lead to our decision not to pursue grad school this fall, meaning we’re not moving anywhere.

INSTEAD, God has answered my prayers in an even better way.  Over the past year, as Caleb went through the application process, I began to treasure my life and experiences in DC.  Maybe it was early nostalgia for what I’d be losing, or maybe it was a realization that living in a walkable neighborhood with amazing playgrounds, access to public transportation, and plenty of other free fun for moms and young children is a rare, precious commodity in this world.  I’ve come to realize that I have thousands of reasons to be thankful for living here, and God has completely turned my heart and mind around.  Plus, He has provided for us in so many ways: a pastor for our church; friends with whom we’ve grown closer after others moved away; and even some family nearby (one of my sisters was here for an internship last summer, and another just moved to Maryland!)

We still don’t know much about where God will take us in the future.  Caleb still has an option to pursue a grad program beginning in 2010, and the possibility remains that jobs or families will take us elsewhere in the future.  But for now, I am excited to be living here and am determined to take full advantage, just in case all that’s left is about a year.